Be Postive & Love

spams o.O

2011-02-25T17:38:00.001+10:00

wow. so many spams.

lolol

i haven't posted in this blog for ages, but it's not surprising.

so like i think of deleting this blog :]

but who knows, should i?

or should i keep it as a memory?

shouldn't be

2010-12-15T15:46:00.003+10:00

this shouldn't be affecting me.

i don't feel like blogging really, but i feel that letting this out may help.

i don't know why this is affecting the way i look at them.

i'm brain washed because of those comments but hey, get a grip.

making them & him... those thoughts; i keep getting thoughts that i dont want to have.

they're my idols but they're also so much more than that.

alright. i'm going to grab the piece of crap load in my head and throw it out the bin.

let's get rid of the image, thought & feeling.

it's up to them. frankly, it's just a look.

a look shouldn't be mistaken for something that affects me this badly.

i hope to go back to the thoughts that i had for them.

it's just friendship. FRIENDSHIP.

done & dusted, as they say.

goooodbai :)

I don't know.

2010-11-28T13:20:00.002+10:00

I dont know. I do not know.

I got my future dream & career. I got my loving family, friends & all the other people around me. But, there's something lacking. There's something lacking and I know that it's going to be a while before I grab hold of that 'thing'.

I didn't realise this but my confidence has been growing futher than I have imagined. It's unexpected. I do hope that this confidence of mine keeps growing, and that I'll become the person that I've always wanted to be. A confident yet loving person. Having both may be impossible but I'll do my best to achieve it.

At only thirteen years old, turning fourteen, I've realised what I want to be. This may be over board or shocking but having in mind to be a doctor, is that just too much? It's what my parents want and it's also what I want myself. In return, I've asked my parents for piano lessons. They keep asking why I want to learn to play the piano so badly but the answer is just simple. Although, I haven't told my parents why I want to, I know exactly why. And that answer will be kept a secret for myself.

I hope the future is bright for me.

While

2010-09-27T12:59:00.000+10:00

It's been a while.. I'm just bad luck. As much as I try...

I need to concentrate..

Day o2

2010-08-30T20:45:00.003+10:00

I'm going crazy here. I really thought I could deal with this but I don't think I can anymore, no matter how hard I try this. I try. People say, try harder. I don't want anything much, I just want to live as a normal teenage school girl who has a family, ONE best friend been able to just life normally. That's just all I want. I didn't imagine this would be my life. I know that life has its own up and downs, I know that! I'm not stupid. But this, what THEY do to deserve this? My parents love me too much and they're getting the punishment when I should be the one getting it. Sis, if you want to rebel, rebel against me. Not mum. Please? I know. I know. But parents are plain parents. They love us too much and they'll do anything to make us happy. Sis, you understand, right? I know it's hard. But did you realise those two people raised us. Fed us. Changed our diapers? Not only that but provided with the education that we needed. Did you already forget that? Yes yes yes yes. Grandma raised you and so did uncle. Yes, they did but our parents did a lot. MUM GAVE BIRTH TO YOU. She gave birth to us and that's why I love her so much. Even if she show it, I'm sure she's really hurt deep inside. I know. I may not have known her as long as you have but I'm so sure she's crying and... I can't do this. I have never lived my life together with my family AS ONE FAMILY. Why is it always like this?

dafjlajdf im angry sad depressed lonely.. i miss my sister. i miss 09, i hate '10

Courage

2010-08-26T21:12:00.002+10:00

You were standing right next to me. I know it was awkward. I know it was. I really wanted to talk to you, even if it was just a 'hi'. I tried. The word(s) just couldnt come out of my mouth. I decided to let it go and just tap my exercise book acting like I didnt care as I was staring into the dark classroom which was a computer lab. Heck. I cared. She is avoiding you and you're just left in the dark with that other third person who obviously likes you too. Oh no. Please please don't. That third person has a bad reputation, dont want to get in involved with her. And as for me, I'm just going to watch you from afar and act normal.

The normal things that I'll do :]

--kae

Day o1

2010-08-11T10:58:00.003+10:00

Just feeling like writing a few days..

Today, I've been thinking about it alot. Whenever I see you, my heart, it beats faster than usual. Even though if it's from far, I try to locate you. Even if you're with her, I smile and pretend that my feelings for you aren't true.

The one that loves the other one too much will end up getting hurt, and so far, I see you're already hurting inside. You're trying to get close to her but she is almost trying to push you away. You don't see it, but I do.

The thing she wants is space, and I know that don't know that but I don't know who to side on. She's my friend but you're.. the one. Telling her friends that she's sick and tired of you, it makes me feel sad and sorry for you.

I don't show it, because I'm afraid my friends around me will find out and I don't want that to happen. It doesn't matter anyways, I'm still watching you even though it's hard. I know this might end badly if you don't talk to her.

I really didn't think this would happen, that I'd develop feelings for you but it just happened; it's not like I wanted to happen.

Abandoned

2010-08-08T12:27:00.002+10:00

Again, I'm gonna abandon my Tumblr and start blogging again. Yeah, that's me. I do that. Aren't I annoying? I should be studying by the way. I got a Genetics and Immigration exam, one of Monday and another on Tuesday. I need to study, but that's the problem; I just can't be stuffed anymore. The laptop distracts me, I confess. Literally, doesn't distract everyone? Not only just me.

I feel like blogging everyday of my life here, just feeling like it :P It's only 12.31PM and I already have wasted half of the friggen day. This is really stressing me out, or rather; I'm just stressing myself out. There's nothing happy for me. From the damned beginning. My life is nothing really. My existence, I don't even know why I'm here.

Today is my mummy's birthday. I can't even do anything for her.

My friends, welll. They're just bs. I don't even know what the heck is going on now. Everyone is changing. I want to change/move schools so badly. Everyday, when I wake up. I dread it so much. I just want to disappear. But, I'm not like the people that I know that just show it all that they're hating it. I don't do that. I smile, laugh just like a happy person. I don't ever show my feelings to anyone. I just smile and do what I'm asked.

Keeping my feelings to myself is the major habit for me. I can never express myself to anyone. That time, when those effing people took me the hospital for depression; I wanted to kill them so badly. Kick their effing ass. I'm scarred. Because of those people. I guess I know what my job is now anyways, it's to kill those people. Make them suffer.

h a p p i n e s s

2010-07-31T18:27:00.002+10:00

Hye :]

I need post properly and so that's what I'm gonna do!

It's been a quite a long time since I guess, I felt normal, neutral without having any problems to worry about. Damn. As much as I want that feeling back, I can never achieve that feeling. I don't know why. I just want to be happy but in the end, something always ruins it for me. Why can't I just.. have some happiness?

Anyway, who likes my new layout? Say aye~ I'm sure that I love it cause it's by Dorkistic's Nana! It's prettty, right? I just needed a change of layout and I found this ;)

Okie. I really am out of words as exactly how I feel. It's a mixture.

happinesssadnessanger

█ Mood; Mixture
█ Drinking; Nothing
█ Eating; Nothing
█ Listening to; Tell Me Goodbye - Big Bang

IM CONFUSED

2010-07-31T11:18:00.001+10:00

I M JUST CONFUSED. I DONT GET THIS. WHAT DO I DO. IM JUST CONFUSED. THIS LIFE. WHAT DID I DO IN MY PAST LIFE TO GET THIS. WTF IS WRONG. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO FEEL? WHAT SHOULD DO I?

AND SO.

2010-07-28T18:50:00.002+10:00

You're like in such a angelic sweet voice "oh kkaren, you're gonna get into maths C"? I DIDNT REPLY. "oh then, you can do it! when karen puts her heart in, she can do anything" ......wtf. you're two sided and its so obvious. so.. whats so good about you? nothing. you have a bf that you follow around like a stalker. now, you're trying to steal my best friend off me. well back off.

you started singing songs and try to push in my face that YOU SING BETTER. OH what bs. YOU KNOW WHAT. WHY DONT YOU SHUT YOUR OWN MOUTH FOR ONCE?

I DONT KNOW.

2010-07-28T18:47:00.002+10:00

I don't know anymore, nor do i care. i've had enough. YOUR FACE JUST PISSES THE SH*T OUT OF ME.

let alone YOU SINGING. YOU JUST HAVE TO SING IN MY FRIGGEN FACE.

I HATE YOU GUTS. YOU'RE JUST TWO SIDED; THE FACT IS; N O O N E L I K E S Y O U SO Y O U BE T T E R F A C E R E A L I T Y D AM MIT.

I'm Happy :)

2010-07-15T18:08:00.001+10:00

OKAYS. I'M HERE TO RANT :D

zomg. I got a top achiever award in my school and I guess I'm happy. No, not happy for myself but happy for my parents ^^ All my parents wanted was for me to get good marks in school. I really didn't know this would happen, I just did my best and somehow my report card was better than I thought. My parents, after seeing the mail from my school. They were over reacting, they were so happy. I'm just happy that my parents are happy. I'm just happy because I was glad that I could fulfil what my parents wanted. I just.. I'm glad that my parents are glad ^^

THAT'S ALL :D

Untitled

2010-07-10T13:26:00.005+10:00

I know I'm wrong. Looking back, I figured I was wrong. And here I am going to apologize. This is for my parents sake. I don't want them to see me hurt because I know they'll get hurt and for them to get hurt.. Smile. I apologize. All I ask is forgiveness.

This post is directed at someone. I don't ask much from that person because I really can't and shouldn't. Since she is.. half the world far away from me. I apologize. All I ask is forgiveness.

I know what I did was wrong, I didnt realise it until I was with my parents since my sister moved out because of a little fight turned into a huge one and it was only over a little thing. Why can't my family ever get together? All I ask is forgiveness.

The thing is, I know I was wrong. I haven't even asked for your name yet. What a dongsaeng.. right? All I do know is that you helped out me so much, right from the damned beginning. Without you, I couldn't have made it this far. There were so many things that you helped out. Remember? When I went to Vietnam.. you took over :) I apologize. All I ask is forgiveness.

I don't ask for much. And I won't. But, I'm gonna do this for my parents sake. I don't want them to get hurt because of me. I'm gonna do my best in my studies and just make them proud. I apologize. All I ask is forgiveness.

All I want to say, is I was wrong. I admit that. Took me a while, cause I'm thaaat slow >_> but I apologize for my actions. I guess I did that act because I wanted to be confident, I've never got the chance to be and I wanted to see what it felt like. My actions were a act of confidence. I wanted to feel confident because I'm a shy person. I wanted to be confident before I step in the real world. I wanted to make myself feel better and because I don't like to step up for myself much, I just wanted to make myself feel.. proud and confident because it I feel like that I'm always below others and no matter how hard I try, it's hard to make myself feel proud. I apologize. All I ask is forgiveness.

I shouldn't have done what I did because I was wrong, I was being naive and didn't realise that it would hurt other people's pride and feelings. Because of that, I did wrong. I was so foolish and did not realise that. But, this is such a great experience for me as I am still young and I have heaps of things that I need to learn in my future life and this is one. There was a time that I cared too much, I cared too much that when I hated myself for caring and stopped, my friends thought I didn't care at all. I guess this is reality afterall.

You might think being confident is an excuse, but it's not. From young, I always known as the shy person.. I wanted to be confident. That's just I want. To be able to stand up for myself.
The hospital people, the people that I had to go to when I had a mental breakdown/depression said my parents were wraping me in cotton wool, they were spoiling me. I think I know why. It's because they almost lost me twice when I was a baby. That's why they spoil me and countinue to. Even though the hospital people told my parents to just let me be free, they.. still haven't.

I'm always trying to be independant after the breakdown. I just wanted to be confident. I dont want my parents to keep leading me. They would always say, I've had two chances to live already, and that I was also born deaf, that I should keep living and no matter what hardships I go through, that I have to keep living because my life is huge. I could've died twice, and I was born deaf... they want me to just be happy and because of that they spoiled me. It's not their fault.

It was just because an act of confident. I'm sorry. I'm so stupid that I didn't understand the consquences. I was wrong. I'm sorry. I was wrong. I am wrong. What I did was wrong. Everything I did was wrong. And I know that.

I'm sorry that I hurt your feelings and made you angry. I know I was wrong because I shouldn't have done that. I was wrong and I shouldn't have done it. My act of confidence was wrong and it was wrong and it was wrong and so I shouldn't have it.

In the end, I sure do know how it feels. In fact, it really effected and changed my life. And I'm happy that it did because I really wanted my life to change. I wanted to have a challenge, because being the person with depression really hurted me. The memories of being.. I never want to encounter that again. I apologize. All I ask is forgiveness.

I know it's gonna be hard. Forgiving and forgeting, I mean. You may not be a huge fan of Jay Park, neither am I. But the fan(s) that digged up his past. Do you see what happened? They should've forgived. I apologize. All I ask is forgiveness.

In this case, I don't want you to forget, never. Please remember it. But forgiving, is all I ask. It may take.. two years? Or even more. I really don't care how long it'll take because I know it'll take some time. But I was wrong. And I admit that. I apologize. All I ask is forgiveness.

I admit I was sincerely wrong and my actions shouldn't be forgotten and all I ask is for forgiveness. I sincerly apologize from the bottom of my heart and that is all I ask. I apologize.

That concludes this post to a certain person that I thank.

The Time

2010-07-07T18:16:00.003+10:00

I have let too many things get in the way of continuing my precious way.
Too many that I have forgotten the fact that my life is precious, not some sort toy.
I will not let anything, nor no one wreck or stop my life from its way.
There are many good things that I have to achieve, just too many; nothing will stop me, only myself.
I will do my best.
If I feel hurt, I will use that for motivation to work harder, and to keep striving to the dead end.
I will do this. Myself. And will not let anyone still me anymore.

I don't know if I'll able anymore, since I usually rant on my posts. But maybe, this is the end of old me, Karen. I don't know if I'll ever come back to this anymore. Acting like I'm not hurt; people think I don't care. The fact is, I do, I care too much that I'm hurt and I don't want to be hurt over things like that anymore.

I WILL WORK HARD

Nothing

2010-05-30T19:38:00.000+10:00

I will not let anything bring me down.
kpop <3

Gonna Let it Out

2010-05-22T12:31:00.002+10:00

Okay, from the start.

I was in Maths sitting with my four best friends. Everything was alll okay, then bam; Jenny got emotional and started crying. Teacher came and told two of my friends to take her to the toliets. That left me and my best friend, Anna. Everything was all quiet. I just started the convo saying "Ooh, Jenny can be really emotional at times" Anna replied back.. "Yeah, what do you think? Everyone has to be like once at least once in their life" I nodded. "Argh, I'm just pissed. Why does Jenny have to be like that?" I said. "So, you mean; you like to see her crying?" ... "What are you saying?"
"You just said that like you want to see her crying. You just said that." ... "No, I did not say that" ... "You just misunderstood me Anna" I said. "Whatever, everyone will misunderstand you always in life. You better get used to it" And on she went on and about life and I just sorta stood up and sat somewhere else. I knew I shouldn't have said that. Anna was in a bad mood so yeah. The fact is her mood changes every.. hour or so. I don't know whether I should talk to her or not. If I talk to her, she'll take every word, misunderstand it and throw it back into my face when I didn't even say anything much like "Damn, it's cold today" she'll reply back "It's cold so that's your problem, why are you complaining to me" in a cold voice. WTF DID I COMPLAIN? I just was trying to make some convo with her. ARGH she's been like this for a few weeks and I've enough of her. Seriously. I've acted nice enough for the past weeks. Yes, yesterday with my other best friend, Lien. I broke down while telling Lien about Anna WITHOUT ANNA THERE. So I was in the library talking about Anna with Lien and Anna wasn't there to hear me saying anything. I broke down. I cried.

ARGH ARGH ARGH. SHE REALLY DOESN'T KNOW ANYTHING. THE WAY SHE ACTS TALKS. SHE THINKS SHE'S THE BEST AND THAT EVERYONE ISN'T.

Just SHUT UP.

2010-05-22T12:20:00.003+10:00

Why don't you shut your mouth of yours? If you fucking got nothing good to say, don't say it. It's as simple as that but YOU. Yes, you bitch really have no common sense. You blab it out AND I did nothing wrong. YES I DID NOTHING WRONG. If I said anything was really idk, bitchy? I don't care, you go ahead bitch about me. In this case, I did nothing wrong or even said anything wrong. I just said JENNY IS EMOTIONAL. No hard feelings and you go saying back that I hate her and fuck, that I like to see her crying? WTF ARE YOU THINKING DUDE? SERIOUSLY. GET YOUR MIND IN CONTROL AND THINK. YES I MAY BE DEPRESSED BUT YOU, YOU YOU YOU. YOU HAVE DEPRESSION TO THE FRIGGEN FACT THAT YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW. HOW BAD IS THAT? VERY BAD. You think you're the person that everyone needs, you think that everyone thinks your the best. Well. I WILL PROVE YOU DAMN WRONG. No one needs you, heck no. I'm just acting all nice to you because I'm your friend and I thought that would help because.. BUT BUT BUT NOOOO, YOU JUST REPLY BACK AND SAY ALL OF THIS SHIT.

I JUST HATE YOU. SHUT YOUR MOUTH OF YOURS AND BACK OUT. NO ONE NEEDS YOU. YOU NEED TO FACE REALITY.

Friends

2010-05-20T16:13:00.002+10:00

Aren't friends supposed to be there for you when you need them?

Aren't I right? In this case of mine, my friends actuallly aren't like that. Especially my best friend, Anna. Anna, sometime's she is reallly acting strange at times. Her mood changes so regularly that it scares me, really. She goes angry and sad for no damned reason. WTF IS WRONG WITH HER?! She overeacts for something that is so effing small to be "angry" at. Seriously, I really want to yell right at her face. I really hate her now. I'm not showing it because I'm not like her, probably we are the complete opposite, I don't know but she is really making me hate her. Maybe it's mine fault, or hers but the fact is i h a t e h e r. I've just had enough of her and her rants. Even my friend, Dan understands me better than her. At least he knows what I'm feeling. Dan and Anna, Anna may not get along with Dan well. She dislikes him, there. I said it. I really don't get why she dislikes him because he may be one weird guy but he's a great friend to talk to when you need someone. He listens, unlike her. She just rants on and on. Well eff her. I've had enough of her and I hope at school, I won't blow up because for the time being I'm tryying my best to hold myself.

I'm Tired

2010-05-18T17:18:00.003+10:00

These days, I don't why but in school I've been feeling tired, sad and depressed. My feeling tired could be the cause of lack of sleep, sad and depressed maybe because just friends around me are making me feel really unhappy. Did some thinking over the past few weeks and things hit me.

N O T H I N G L A S T S F O R E V E R,
E S P E C I A L L Y G O L D T H I N G S.

Been reading The Outsiders written by SE Hinton for my English assignment and I'd learnt quite a few things from that book. Things as in lessons, lessons that you need to learn for life and to survive life. As hard life can be, you need to survive no matter what and how? Face and overcome it, the problem, solution, matter, whatever it may be. I'm just tired of all this drama at school. I don't even know what the heck is going on so I decided that I don't care. It's better than you think. It helps. If you feel left out from friends, family, anyone; remind yourself that you don't need them. They don't live your life, you don't live theirs and the won't be there forever for you so if you do some thinking. You'd realise that the fact is currently, the people around you; The people who you adore, love, cherish will be gone, not now but one day. I have thought that my net/winglin world is actually better than my outside life but that isn't true at all. I realise that both lives are the same. One may have better loving people than the other, one may let me do anything, one may doesn't have any assignments, essays and exams but it doesn't mean one is better than the other.

-- 인생은 별거 아니, 단지 노력이 필요합니다

-- 如果你不斷地嘗試，有出路

-- Living life to the fullest is one of the most important things

Smile

2010-05-06T21:31:00.002+10:00

I'm going through some depressing problems and even though my best friend Anna says that blogging your daily life is strange, I find it in a way, relieving. Sometimes, Anna; I found you really weird at times. You're a true friend to me and I believe you won't change no matter what. Into a monster I mean. That long talk we had, I will stay strong. I will change, even if it's not shown straight away; I'll change bit by bit. Right now, I'm trying my very best to not show my true emotions and from what Lien said to me at Science. It's showing, I guess I'm losing my skills of hiding people my feelings. It used to work, I guess that was in.. eighth grade? Which was a year ago. People are saying I'm just being negative. Let's change this around. If you were me, what would YOU do? People saying that they know how I feel. YOU DO NOT. It really hurts, that tears are always running down my face whenever people don't see me. Let me tell you something, I may seem like a girl who is very happy about her life and smiling, laughing and telling jokes. That girl, isn't me. It's only a cover. I'm different than that. Don't. You. Dare. Say. You. Know. because you do not. I mean, a girl... who. I won't go into detail. I just can't. I can't go back there. I've decided, when, last night; I ate Shin Ramyun and went into tears because it was so hot. I decided that I will let go of the past. Try my best not to remind myself of any of it. This might fail, but at least, I tried.. I tried.

I Love You

2010-05-05T21:11:00.000+10:00

There's this one person I have to smile at and hug tightly.
This person, is the person who literally would make me smile and feel loved.
This person, I may not have known her for long but there's one thing that I'm sure of, that I love her.
This person, was here for me through happy and rough times.
This person, I will forever and always remember her.
This person, I can never stop smiling at.
This person, I'll gradually meet her one day.
This person, how can I thank her?
This person, loves Wooyoung.
This person, is YUMA UNNIE.

I thank and smile at you. Saranghae.

Sup

2010-04-17T20:31:00.004+10:00

Yes, I'm just bored and thinking random things.

I just feel so tired, not the tired tired but the tired of things that are happening currently in my life. Things that make my life worse, things that... I won't go on...

A year sometimes can fly but also feel like ten years.. it's just... I can't even explain it myself.

Describes me when I see him on msn.

What can I do though? That's just him... I can't do anything, can I?
I have been... trying... but, it doesn't work.
That picture tells it all ><

Finished~

2010-04-12T14:05:00.004+10:00

Heyyy,

Like a few weeks ago... I made a bet with Tina unnie saying that I'm able to finish watching Shining Inheritance by.. the end of the school holidays. If I won, she had to do a dance cover and if she wins, I will have to do a dance cover on Gee - SNSD. Guess who won?

.

.

.

YES. ME. LMAO. I WON.

.

.

.

I just finished it.. like.. five minutes. If you round it off, the minutes, it would be 2PM xDD So I finished Shining Inheritance at 2PM. Wow, it's so good. The ratings are very very HIGH. This drama is really better than Boys Over Flowers, so if you love BOF, I really recommend this drama because it's BETTER than BOF. Shining Inheritance.. the plot may seen really boring but there are parts which make you wanting for more, like I did, I couldn't stop watching it til the last minute. I started it.. on youtube and then knew that they were skipping parts so I tried Mysoju but there links were broken and then I went searching on google, yes, I was desperate to watch it.. somehow, one of the links that I went on google, got me a virus.. or what you call spy/adware. I got it removed by reformatting my laptop and now Mysoju fixed their links and I was able to finally watch it. I seriously loved every minute of it.. well, not every minute. Wow..
Although, I do expect more at the ending but.. it was very sweet. They are such a cuteee couple.
If only they were together in real life. I really recommend this drama.. it was one of the best dramas of 2009~

YES. NO DANCE COVER FOR ME XD

FIGHTING

2010-04-10T18:56:00.005+10:00

I decided I wanted to post something sad but it got removed so yeah.

Well, Akma unnie, Hoped you liked the Wooyoung presents (: Always making me smile~

KEY; ISN'T.. HE JUST MINE? ;D

I don't know why but I just really wanted to post this picture of Key

Hello Baby Coming To An End

2010-04-07T15:41:00.005+10:00

Dedicated to Hello Baby SHINee [So literally, SHINee & Yoogeun]

This show is too good to end. Not only you can learn many things from this show but you also get a good laugh out of it. HB SHINee coming to an end on this very day, I feel like I want to burst into tears, in fact, I already have... by watching this video. Even the song... it's such a sad song.

In this show, I have learnt so many things about teaching/taking care of a baby and also about SHINee... each and one of them. How they always put their best in everything and also how hard they try in everything. Even though it might not tell out the right way or not win but they always put all of the effort in everything they do. They also have a bright side of them, how they would always make the viewers laugh while taking care of Yoogeun.

Now, Yoogeun, why do you have to be so cute? I just want to hug and pinch your cheeks so badly. Yoogeun, you have to remember the fact that SHINee appas looked after you at one time, that they taught you things even though some weren't accomplished. Watching that video above really made me in tears, especially at the end.. how everyone just stood there looking and I could see that they were very sad. If I didn't spend any time with Yoogeun and I'm crying like hell here, how would think you of SHINee appas? They probably would be writing a river.

Okay, enough of me ranting on and on. People that haven't watched this, I recommend, 100% that will you LOVE this, for sure. You will get a lot of things by watching this.

Don't Trust Others

2010-04-03T15:01:00.002+10:00

Don't trust others too much because they can stab you in the back at the most crucial time of all.

Just a warning.

Sometimes the three letters, 'FML' really suits what I am feeling and what I need to say.

Life sucks, doesn't it?

I'm Back

2010-03-28T21:02:00.002+10:00

Felt like I need to post o.o

Wow, my day.. I actually prefer weekdays, not weekends for once. Funny thing, eh?

Weekends, I'm just stuck home, net-ing; not that I hate it, it's just boring.

Parents; just unpredictable which makes them scary.

I ... I'm just so messed up, I guess.

How I wish I could go back into time.

Yep, I'm blogging

2010-03-26T22:55:00.002+10:00

Yeah, going to blog my thoughts; even maybe everyday ;)

First period, had an Science essay on 'the eye'. I did pretty well I think.

Second was uh, DDS, too bad if you don't know what that is but it was crap.

Third... >> Maths. :| I wanted to cry! Tried avoiding a certain person but .. man, the certain person just... kept coming back.

Fourth, last period, Chinese = FUN! Got an A+ !! Watched the movie 'The 10 Brothers' or something. Very strange movie if you ever see it ;D

At the end of day, yeah, I got pissed..

I'm currently having some problems with my friends so =="

Shocked

2010-03-25T21:02:00.002+10:00

Dude, I hate YOU.

One of the worst days that I've had.

I didn't tell you that I hate you but that doesn't mean I doesn't.

You know nothing so why don't you back off?

This is my matter, not yours. Why did you just have you ruin everything?

Of course, how could I forget? It's you, that person that I hate the most.

Well I hope you die and go to hell and never be seen again because no one likes your ugly face.

Forgive & Forget

2010-03-22T20:11:00.002+10:00

This post is dedicated to Jay Park (aka Park Jaebeom)

I'm not a huge fan of 2PM but recently, this hit me.

Whoever started that controversary is so stupid. You don't go digging someone's past and trying to find a flaw, well, if you ever do find one of a kpop star.. yes, it might be something harsh like Jay said.. but, hey, where are your senses? That was in the past, the friggen past.. Jay also mentioned that he didn't know the Korean language/culture and that he was just sad... young.. wouldn't you be too, if you were in an environment that you had absolutely no idea about?

Those things that he wrote about Korea... he knew was wrong. Jay apologized right? Once someone apologizes and admit that they were wrong about what they did, then it's over, everything should return back to normal, no mess! But, nooo, this person, she just had to make it a huge deal out of it and man, she must be happy, isn't she? Jay left, and she's probably dancing... Well, I'll tell you, why do you just have your own fucken life? Don't dig others ruin theirs!

That girl has no right to do what she did. I know I may be repeating myself, but this is the point!

When Jay posted the youtube video on his channel, he didn't look said and those... what he wrote in his description really made me felt anger and sadness at the same time. The whole word.. wants Jay back... Check his youtube channel, look at how many comments there are. So people,

FORGIVE & FORGET

Finally!

2010-03-22T17:36:00.002+10:00

OMG~ I finally got time to actually post my day ;D

Well well, today... in the morning we had to watch a play where it's called 'The Hurting Game'... Weird aye? It was about like, bullying and stuff like that... I really didn't get it and especially with those dickheads at the back where I sat were talking, laughing and like... mucking/playing around. I swear, at that time, I wanted to punch their faces so badly but meh, I'm tooo nice to actually do that =="

Since that play took up first period, it was time for second period which was SLP. God, we didn't do much... just sat there and like talked about how my form/roll teacher got bullied at school and strange stuff...

And then, it was time for lunch. How was lunch? Lunch, meh, the usual... :D

After lunch, it was... third period! Third period, fuck, my assignment... I don't get a thing ==" Teacher just said research and everyone just writes anything down.

Thenn, it was... what we call second break! Second break......... it was okay.... ;D

Last of all, fourth period... which was... uh, sports! Volleyball~ I got really afraid since there were balls going in every direction and (we) I were praticising with my friend, Anna and like, I kept ducking just in case if I did get hit by the ball in the head =="

Yep, that was my day. Plain and... uh, shit as usual T__T

Lastest Top 100 Handsome Men IN ASIA

2010-03-21T11:49:00.001+10:00

2010 Latest Top ~~100~~ 69 Handsome Men in Asia

69 Kazuya Kamenashi
68 Park Hae Jin
67 Kim Dong Wook
66 Park Taehwan
65 Daniel Wu
64 Hyun Bin
63 Lee Donghae
62 TAE
61 Chi Cheng Jun
60 Wallace Huo
59 Takuya Kimura
58 陸毅
57 Shun Ogur
56 Leon Jay Williams
55 Roy Chiu
54 Chun Jung Myung
53 Kim Bum
51 Sung Min Moon
50 Takeshi Kaneshiro
49 Mike He
48 Haruma Miura
47 Lee Sungmin
46 Koike Teppei
45 Seung-ho Yu
44 Yamapi
43 Jang Keun Suk
42 Ji Hyun Woo
41 Lee Yong Dae
40 Joo Ji Hoon
39 Jang Dong-gun
38 Lee Dong Gun
37 Aaron Yan
36 Lee Min Woo
34 Shin Hye Sung
33 Kang Dong-won
32 Woo-Hyuk Jang
31 Duan Wei Huang
30 Changmin
29 Kim Kibum
28 Micky Yoochun
27 Ekin Cheng
26 Choi Sung-Kuk
25 Eunhyuk
24 Vic Zhou
23 Nichkhun
22 Ryeowook
21 Song Seung Heon
20 Jun Jin
19 Rain
18 Moon, Hee-Jun
17 Kim Hyun Joong
16 Lee MinHo
15 Nicholas Tse
14 Yunho
13 Leeteuk
12 Kyuhyun
11 Choi Siwon
10 Wang Lee Hom
9 KangTa
8 Il-woo Jeong
7 Jerry Yan
6 Wu Chun
5 HanGeng
4 Bae YongJun
3 Lee Junki
2 Kim Heechul
1 Kim Jae Joong

How life can be

2010-03-17T18:34:00.003+10:00

If you realize, life is not the way you want it to be. On some days, it may be your happiest day but on others, it's your worst.

Life is never perfect. Everyone has to know that, even if you can't admit it now you will have to admit it sooner or later... it's only a matter of time.

I realized that you can't keep on depending on everyone, one day all of them will disappear and you'll be left alone. If you live your own life depending on everyone and they are gone, what will happen? You won't be able to manage, you wouldn't cope being all alone. I know majority of people know this already but I'm just saying.

Life can have lots of downs and some ups or vice versa, but you have to remember 'life is short' and you must spend the time you have left preciously, not wasting it on things that you shouldn't do. You have to spend it with the people you love and what you would love to do before you leave this cruel world. This 'cruel world' is cruel indeed but there are many positives to it too, when it's time to leave, and you haven't spent the time that you had left right, you'll regret it.

Remember not to give up unless there is absoultely nothing left to grab on.

Let Me Just Say This

2010-03-10T19:03:00.002+10:00

Let me just say this;

o1. I love all of my unnie's and dongsaeng's forever and they are one of the best people on the earth that I have met.

o2. I never felt so loved before I met my unnies and dongsaeng. I love them all, each and single one very much and I want them to know that <3

o3. That yes, I'm suffering from depressionn and that I admit it.

o4. That I really am scarred when I was taken to the hospital for depresion. Did they have to push me? While I was screaming and crying? When I just wanted my unnies and dongsaengs next to me? Did anyone know how I hurt I was?

o5. That I am just so fucken pissed from what happened.

o6. I have been trying my best to get over this incident but I can't, it hurts so badly.

o7. I just want to say, thanks to everyone supporting me including my friends and my unnies and dongsaeng who I truly love them all.

o8. That I am really angry and hurt.

o9. Everyone, smile, it really helps.

10. TO MY SPECIAL READERS; THANK YOU.

Time To Tell

2010-02-28T11:48:00.004+10:00

I would like to post this and let everyone know as their has been misunderstandings about this matter.

This is about THE_AnGeL, some of you may know her from Lonesome Sprint/Sheer Essence, winglin or some request sites. You must be asking, "What does this have to do with her?" Well, here's your answer; everything.

Lonesome Sprint is now called Sheer Essence and vice versa. I'm sorry if this gets confusing or anything...

Lonesome Sprint had two webmistresses, yes, two, not one. I was one and THE_AnGeL was the other. We were really good online friends as we met in Winglin. We opened a site, Lonesome Sprint together. It was strange having two webmistresses at one site, but I decided to put that thought aside and just work on Lonesome Sprint and seeing where this would go.

Everything went really well, and when I say 'really' well, I MEAN REALLY WELL.
THE_AnGeL did the emails, or known as the 'emailer' and I, dramafreak4eva did the coding, updates and a few other things. THE_AnGeL and I formed a very good relationship after that, it was like unbreakable.

Everything was great, until... December 2009, which was last year. THE_AnGeL went on hiatus a few times, in a year and that really bugged me but we both couldn't do anything about it because she had to go to China with her family so I let it go.

Yes, I managed just fine without her. It was a good really thing because I didn't need to ask for anyone's opinion, I was in charge and I could decide whatever.
In November, THE_AnGeL went on hiatus once again as she needed to visit China with her family.

In December, when I was in charge of Lonesome Sprint, the thing hit me. I was doing all of the work while she... didn't do much at all. After discussing with a few of my unnie's and dongsaeng's... I decided to do up an email asking THE_AnGeL to step down as cowebmistress as that would be better because having two webmistresses can stir everything up and make it messy. One thing, when she left to China for her holiday, she didn't even notify me so I was left hanging...

Then, it was my turn to go on hiatus because I had to visit my relatives in Vietnam for three weeks. At that time, Lonesome Sprint's current cowebmistress, yg_bigD took over. While I was in Vietnam, I had a lot of fun but it was until I went into one of the internet cafes and checked my email. THE_AnGeL had replied, with a rather harsh answer; "I'll rather resign than be a coweb".

When I came back to Australia as my three week holiday had ended, I did some thinking and discussing. After discussing about it to my co-web and once again, with my unnie's. As yg_bigD said, she seemed like she was trying to make it like a threat. And that she was only up for the title was webmistress. When I read that, I immediately agreed. I then, replied to THE_AnGeL's email saying; "I'm sorry but I'm going to let you go. It's too late if you turn back now. I'm sorry. I hope our relationship as jie-mei won't end" ...but unfortuntely, it did. She was spamming SE's tagbox with messages saying that I've 'destroyed' Lonesome Sprint and that I changed webmistresses. If you check SE's tagbox, the messages under the name :b and Angel are the ones I'm talking about. The rest are I guess, all of my unnie's supportive comments (: Reminder; I did gave her a chance to step down as coweb..

I did NOT destroy Lonesome Sprint. I made it BIGGER AND BETTER. I only had to change the name because how the requesters spelt it the wrong way and because Lonesome Sprint really didn't have a real meaning... unlike, LS, Sheer Essence does!
I'm really sorry if I explode here, but I have been trying to keep it to myself but spamming in the tagbox is going way over the line. Keep those friggen comments to yourself, will you?

So, the point is, IT'S NOT MY FAULT; I ABSOUTELY DID NOT DESTORY LONESOME SPRINT. DON'T BLAME ME LIKE EVERYTHING IS MY FAULT. AND THOSE PEOPLE SPAMMING IN SE'S TAGBOX, STAY OUT OF IT. BACK OFF! Like I said, if NEEDED, I will block you.

So Nyuh Shi Dae - SNSD

2010-02-18T18:14:00.003+10:00

Tagged by the one and only DbSkHatter/Rae!

1. Put your music on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!
4. Tag 10 friends who might enjoy doing the memo as well as the person you got the memo from.

LET’S START!

IF SOMEONE SAYS “IS THIS OKAY” YOU SAY?
Haru Haru - Big Bang

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
Love Like Oxygen - SHINee LOL I survive on love?

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Hate U, Love U - Super Junior YEAH, I REALLY DO.

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Chu - f(x) HAHA, DO IT DO IT CHU!

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE’S PURPOSE?
Secretly Secretly - Kara Does't make sense..

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Because I'm Stupid - SS501 Okay....... I'm not stupid though

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
You Are My Destiny - Luna and Krystal Okay... really doesn't make any sense

WHAT IS 2+2?
You're My Melody - DBSK HAHAHAAH 2+2 =.....

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Talk To You - SHINee Wow, true. I talk to her... LMAO

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Again and Again - 2PM Well, like thinking of HIM again and again, yeahh

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
It's You - Super Junior It's you whattttt?

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Destiny - SS501 I want to be destiny..? ROFL

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Juliette - SHINee HAHAHAHA, niceee

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Please Don't Go - Jonghyun and Onew ........The guy I'm going to marry might go......? But, never mind, I won't get married anyways.

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
U - Super Junior HAHAHAHA, Yes, HIM!

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Genie - SNSD I don't get thattt..

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Replay - SHINee AHH, Yes, It's a secret that I replay songs

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Don't Say Goodbye - DBSK OMFG, ITS TRUE, I DON'T WANT TO SAY GOODBYE..

WHAT’S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
My Heaven - Big Bang O.O HEAVEN IS A BAD THING? WHAT IS HELL THEN?

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
Triangle - DBSK Well, thinking of DBSK does make me teary...

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
Something Happen To My Heart - A & T LOL NOT TRUEEEE

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
LaChaTa - f(x) OKAY, I DON'T GET IT

HOW WILL YOU DIE?
Heartbeat - 2PM HAHAHAHA, MY HEARTBEAT WILL STOP? AND I'LL DIE, YEAH, PEACEFULL WAY!

WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
Flower Lady - DBSK ..... No idea what that means

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Deja Vu - SS501 LMAOOO

DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
Heartbreaker - G-dragon o.o WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? ........................

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
Romantic - SHINee LMAO, BEING ROMANTIC SCARES ME?

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
Smile - Super Junior OMFG, TRUE TRUE TRUE!

WHAT WOULD YOU SAY, WHEN YOU MEET YOUR BOSS?
A Little - Suh Ji Young Yeah, boss, I'm a little tired, I'm going to have my break!

WHAT WOULD THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE SAY TO YOU?
Gee - SNSD GEE, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH! LOL

WHAT WOULD YOU SAY TO YOUR WORST ENEMY-TURN-FRIEND?
Graze - SHINee LOLOL. FUNNY.

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
So Nyuh Shi Dae - SNSD WOO

I used my winamp playlist... I just downloaded it and the appearance is weird... I want my old one back.

Who am I going to tag? ......

HAHA, BOOJAE UNNIE, I'M GOING TO MAKE YOU DO THIS AGAIN!
AHA, JAELLIEX3; YOUR TIME HAS COME UNNIE, HAHAHA
JAESULOVER; HEHE, IM THANKING YOU SO HAPPY LISTENING UNNIE!
JESSYCLOE; LUCKY LAST UNNIE! HAHA, HAVE FUN, WILL YOU?

So thats; Tina, Jae, Jaesulover and Jessycloe unnie! WOW Only unnie's! LOL!

Let Me Be Happier..

2010-02-18T17:45:00.004+10:00

Let me be happier...

I've been encoutering a few problems lately, problems that have been making myself really different.

I will smile. laugh. cry.

I WILL.

I reformatted my laptop and it's a bit different cause I lost my bookmarks which I really need. I guess I'm doing my best to manage and for now, everything is going well. I don't know what will happen in the future, but I'll do my best.

I need to think postive and not negative. I will...

I really need to get a new layout to make myself much happier and make me... just in the mood for some happiness. LOL weird aren't I?

I've been praying to Buddha [Cause I'm a Buddhist] I just hope my life will be more exciting... and happier than I am today.

Well, this ends my post.

EDIT;

AREN'T THEY NICEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE? IT'S FROM JAE UNNIE! <3333333

Day o1

2010-01-27T12:00:00.003+10:00

How should I feeeling?

What should I do?

What if something bad does happen?

What if I can't take it anymore?

So many questions that need to be answered, but I can pull through it. I know I can. I have so many people supporting me, so why can't I?

Yes, yeah, my dad and sis are moving out and that leaves my mum and I... but I know I can survive. The fact that everyone hates each other in THIS house, is just... I can't find a word to describe. Every day, I hear ATLEAST one person badmouth OR bitching about someone. I know everyone can't get along... I knew... The time left I had spending as ONE family was limited and I should've known... I should've spent that time for preciously... I should've known... I really should've known...

I can't even remember ONE time where my family went shopping together... or even a Christmas. I go to my friends birthday parties seeing their family together; happily together.

I... still remember those times at night spending times with my sister, having so much. We were laughing till our stomachs hurt and that even tears came out of our eyes. I really miss those times... I want to be able to do that... why? WHY?

Those family discussions... the funny ones, of course. How I miss them.... I want them back~!

Day ONE OF SCHOOL; NOT GOOOD!

At Times Like This...

2010-01-18T18:41:00.002+10:00

At times like this...
It feels like my life is nothing.

My family, life and friends... why isn't anything right?

Wheres my happiness?

2010-01-16T20:33:00.002+10:00

Hello,

I'm just wondering where my happiness went.
I really want everything to be right once. Is it that hard?
I'm having continuous bad luck these days. I really just ask for one thing and thats to have happiness. If I haven't done anything wrong, why do I seem that I'm the only person receiving the bad luck?

I've been DBSK`ing these few days. I don't know why but yeah. I just feel that DBSK is just too good to disband and I'm glad Break Out was out (:
BooJae was just saying to me... "We should go egg SM" I really think we should. HAHA.
I think each and one of them impresses me in a way.

I just wish my family could be a happy one and just get along well. That sounds really easy but when it comes to my family, it just is impossible. I don't know why.

I really have to thank everyone who supported me in those times such as my unnies.

I was telling Renee unnie, whenever my happiness comes, its not even a few hours and its gone again, it went and brought it bad luck instead. How I try to get everything back to normal.

Life just sucks, its so boring. I'm just so .... I can't explain anymore. There isn't any words to describe what I'm feeling. It's just... so empty these days.
I'm not an only child but it sure feels like it. My sis is just always gone. I'm as always stuck on the net. Why can't I go out?

I want to let everything go and tell myself it's all in the past, but it just keeps popping up in my mind and there; its back once again. I don't want it anymore so why does it have to come up? It's already hard enough to have to face it so why make it harder?

I really guess my life is just for the net...

I need to cheer up and live my life.

Tagged

2010-01-14T18:02:00.003+10:00

Tagged by Anna unnie :)

1. Put your music on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!
4. Tag 10 friends who might enjoy doing the memo as well as the person you got the memo from.

LET’S START!

IF SOMEONE SAYS “IS THIS OKAY” YOU SAY?
–Ring Ding Dong by SHINee

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
–Smile by Super Junior

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
–Destiny by SS501

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
–Day By Day by SNSD

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE’S PURPOSE?
–Hate U, Love U by Super Junior

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
–Best Place - SHINee

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
–Something Happen To My Heart - A&T

WHAT IS 2+2?
–Stand By Me by SHINee

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
–Chu by f(x)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
–Talk To You by SHINee [A/N; Kinda do think that..]

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
–Romantic by SHINee

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
–Deja Vu by SS501

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
–Just For One Day- Jaejoong and CSJH

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
–Replay by SHINee [A/N; That will unusal!]

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
–A Little by Suh Ji Young

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
–In My Room by SHINee

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
–Love Like Oxygen by SHINee

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
–Etude by SNSD

WHAT’S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
–Happy Together [A/N; SO THATS THE WORST THING THAT CAN HAPPEN? MAKES NO SENSE...]

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
–Genie by SNSD

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
–I Hate You by 2PM

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
–Heartbeat - 2PM

HOW WILL YOU DIE?
–LaChaTa by f(x)

WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
–Happiness by Super Junior

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
–So Nyuh Shi Dae by SNSD

DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
–Heartbreaker by GD

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
–Wedding Dress by Taeyang [ROFL xD Hmm, is that actually true??]

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
–Hard But Easy by Luna & Krystal

WHAT WOULD YOU SAY, WHEN YOU MEET YOUR BOSS?
–Gee by SNSD [Maybe; Gee, You're such a fussy boss.. ROFL]

WHAT WOULD THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE SAY TO YOU?
–Triangle by DBSK

WHAT WOULD YOU SAY TO YOUR WORST ENEMY-TURN-FRIEND?
–Secretly Secretly by Kara

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
–Gara Gara Go by Big Bang

Woww! It was... GOOD! Hmm, I shall tag... Tina unnie, Renee unnie & Melody unnie (:

Mess.

2010-01-10T13:07:00.002+10:00

My life is just a total big mess. My Dad came back from Adelaide and guess what? Yeah, My mum and dad start fighting and arguing. I cant help but start sobbing in my room.
Trying to watch You're Beautiful to cheer me up and I guess its actually working...

From the beginning, I guess, nothing really works for me eh? I just wish one thing would go right. Just one thing. %$#!

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Sorry, need to express my sadness and anger.

I really want to watch Avatar but I can't. Stupid friends. And nephew. He said I had to pay for him cause he ran out of money. Pfftt, no way dude!

Oh, on my last post I forgot to mention;;

MY NEW LAYOUT!

Nice eh?

Thanks to... Dorkistic Design!

WOOHOO!

Long Time No Post

2010-01-08T11:47:00.003+10:00

Heyhey!

I'm back from Vietnam, like a week ago but ~~can't be bothered to post~~ I didn't get the chance to actually find time.. xD
I've been letting most things out lately. I actually feel much better. Thanks to one person, well, two actually. I think they know who they are. I need to post something about my friends.

We were always together; having fun. Always laughing at each other jokes. I wonder how, the gap came... It's torn us apart. I couldn't do anything but watch as the gap grew wider.

Oh well, it happened so what can I do?

The waterfall is so nice eh? I took at Vietnam.

So many things I want to be happy about.

O.O

2009-12-03T16:03:00.002+10:00

Everyone! Check this vid out if you're a fan of SHINee, because I'm sure you'll all love it!

Gosh, I was singing Ring Ding Dong and guess what my Mum said? "What's with the Ringy thing?"
I replied, "Mum, Please don't say that... I love it and please don't criticise my idols, espcially SHINee"
She probably don't even know who SHINee is, she only knows I listen to them and what they look like but she didn't know what they were called.

I downloaded the songs I needed for my ipod when I leave to Vietnam. I won't get bored because I'm be watching the Ring Ding Dong MV all day long because they are so ELASTIC & FANTASTIC~

HAHAHA.

I think I need more songs... I'll be downloading more from 4Shared.

I said goodbye to my class friends, not my break friends, I felt really sad, everyone was waving and saying bye to me, they even hugged me.

Today was my last day of school... Everything is done; assignments, exams.

For some reason, I'm listening to So Hot by Wonder Girls. Oh,, Now I know why. Because in Yunhanum, Key was singing it in an episode.

It's my last post! For the year! I'll miss everyone!

After I get back from Vietnam, My SHINee poster will be here by thenn... My sister said it takes 3 weeks to get to Bris. and theres like one week left but I won't be here to recieve it...

OKay. BYE BYE

MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEARR!

kaRenn

Hey everyone

2009-12-01T18:22:00.002+10:00

This will be my 2nd last post till I go to Vietnam?

Okay, YAYY! December, my birthday month! but I don't think anyone will actually remember my birthday...

Thanks to WonderBinnie :

ARGH. My friend Anna, cried again today. I won't tell you much... WHY?? Why is life so depressing? argh, why am I even asking that? thats just lifeeee.. im just so depressed, sad and angry latelyy...

I'll end my post here, i don't want to be angry here!

I Ended It

2009-11-30T16:37:00.002+10:00

I ended it...

You may be asking what?

I ended my friendship with my friend, Stacey. At last I did. It was easy. I just said: "Stac? I'm ending it here." She'll know what I was saying.

I have better friends than her like Anna. Anna was crying in class today, I'm not sure why but I felt really sad, so I also cried... yeah, my whole group in class also starting tearing up when I started crying. They went, "Oh, Karen, Don't you start crying, You'll know what I will do if you do start"
Today is so depressing, I think I have depression???

I NEED INSPIRATIONS!

Renee unnie was doing something for me that really made me smile and laugh, I felt... happy. More than happy, I felt someone actually cared for me. Thankyou Renee unnie. I really do appreciate it! P.S. I owe you... two songs? I'll sing when my throat is better...

I need to download some songs from 4shared to put in my ipod before I go to Vietnam!!
I can go to Vietnam and listen to my ipod EVERYDAY!!

I just finished my SOSE assignment! Yayy! Well, its due tomorrow. No, I'm not naughty, I did it a few nights ago but I just didn't finished it..

BYE BYE

What A Day?

2009-11-22T19:53:00.003+10:00

Hiii ^^

Karen is back again. Haha.

Today, was a weird day?

I met my sister bf... If you know what that means... offically.

It was really weird, because my friend, sister, her bf and I went SHOPPING! We just went walking around and shoppping!

Bought a few things and I'm getting a SHINee poster from ebay very soon! I can't wait!

I picked one out and it happened to have signatures!

Anyhow, I have to get off :(

bye to my readers!

Thankyou Aini dongsaeng~

2009-11-21T15:08:00.003+10:00

A gift from Aini dongsaeng! Isn't it good? I love it! Kamsamnida!

Something I told Renee unnie via text day. My friend, Stacey, said SHINee is UNHOT!
WTF? Eff her, I hate her guts!

Argh, Brisbane is getting hot and lucky I'm in the air con!

Still coughing, as usual.

That ends my post for the day! Might not be here tomorrow because friend is coming over and I might GO SHOPPINNGGG!

Can I Stop Coughing Now?

2009-11-19T17:08:00.003+10:00

Karen really wants to stop coughing now! Throat, I command you to stop! I mean it! Not joking!

In class, I coughed so much that I tried to restrain myself from coughing but failed xD

My teacher had to repeat some things while he was talking about our assignment due to MY coughing, It was so loud that some people didn't hear what he was saying.

When can I get better?

On the other hand, I WILL KILL THEM! That's my friends, I'm talking about! I hate them *Sorry for the swearing but that's the only word to describe how pissed I am

I... I just don't even want to see them. My life is going down hill. Unnies and dongsaengs are making my life better + I hope my sister gets me a SHINee poster. Any one will do, just A SHINee poster.

Yayyy! It's Friday! but... I have tutoring, argh.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ARRON YAN YA LUN!

My assignments are really plieing up because it's the end of the year! NO!

Okay now, It's so hot in Brisbane.

BYE BYE!

Stomach Ache

2009-11-16T17:21:00.003+10:00

Karen has a stomach ache... Why I still here? Idk. I am so bored on the net but I don't want to get off! Winglin, is STUFFED up!

I'm listenning to kpopp! SHINee, DBSK, SUJU, 2PM, SS501, SNSD, Random artists... AND MANY MANY MORE!

Today was so weird? I don't know how to describe my day. Yayy!

2 more weeks till Vietnam! Should I be happy? Or sad?

I don't even know myself!

Ohyeah, I think nearly everyone would have noticed but Korean songs usually have english words... And no, I noticed it a LONG time ago, not now.

I already feel like I need a new layout... I'll change maybe I go to Vietnam? Did I tell you I'm leaving for Vietnam on 5th December!

Okay now. My Dad is yelling at me to get off, was I on too long?

I'll be back tomorrow, well, later but I'll post tomorrow... Maybee.

SHINeeeeee

2009-11-15T15:13:00.001+10:00

Karen is going crazyyy! OVER SHINeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

New Layout Coming Soon!

2009-11-14T19:29:00.002+10:00

Yes, I'm going to find another layout for my blog. Why? Currently... sick of my new layout?

I'm so bored lately. I want to stop coughing, but I can't. My throat seems like there is something stuck and I have to cough it up but I can't.

I feel like my stomach is starting to hurt soon. Don't ask me why, because I don't know!

Today was pretty much plain usual. Watching drama, then net, drama, net. That's pretty much my life.

I was talking to my Mum today, which is pretty rare? I just told her that, I never felt how it felt to have a good friend... Makes sense? Yes, It's true. All my friends are like... rubbish? They don't actually seem like my good/best friends. Should I be sad? Ahhh, That's the question, I'm wondering myself. For now, the answer to that question is "no". Because I have my family, real and net... That's what makes me smile. What can I do?

Gosh, I want to start on my Onew oneshot but I'm toooo lazy and probably, I wont get any readers ><

Oh, Karen, why is your life like this?

Wow, Temptation of Wife is one serious great drama. It's about life and what can happen... I am loving it! I just wished we could actually own it. Well, I have it on disc but its borrowed from my auntie and it's viet dubbed.

To tell the truth, I hate my life. I know it's sad for me to say it. It's temporary...

I'm listening Please Don't Go & Ring Ding Dong alot! When I listen to my ipod, its one or another...

I guess, I should be changing my blog layout, so off I go....

-waves- bye....

xLaugh

2009-11-12T20:21:00.002+10:00

Yes, Karen really needs to laugh her ass off.

Please, someone make me laugh? I don't think I've laughed probably these feel days. I have been but it isn't real happiness.

I feel like what Star-chan posted on her blog. My heart is filled with things that I've putted up with these few years, how do I get rid of it? How?

I know Onew had swine flu, it was a week ago? Does SHINee have a curse or something? If another SHINee member has swine flu, I swear, I'll yell... SHINee NEEDS THE SWINE FLU CURSE GONE, NOW! Haha.

I need to express myself so badly, I need someone to talk to. I can't talk to Stacey, because she has she friends, and Lien, she talks day and night about her crush. [I think she's over him now?] My family, ARGH, I don't even want to mention about my family.

Oh, did I tell everyone that I emailed Stacey and told her how fcuken pissed I was with her? Yes, I keep EVERYTHING to myself... Anger, Guilt, Sadness, Even happyness.

School was badd? I was so glad that my Maths teacher was away today, why? I... didn't do homework...probably? I won't tell you more... but yeah. English was boring... SOSE was kinda better...

When the bell rang, I couldn't wait to get out of school, seriously. I needed to get home... FAST.

Okay now, I'm listening to Ring Ding Dong!

Currently, addictive to the song ;)

Atlast I finished the x family. Watching Romantic Princess ; up to episode 5 part 2. Have left... 8 episodes. NO! ARGH!

ByEs!

Just Don't Care

2009-11-07T19:36:00.002+10:00

You know what?

My life is depressing... So now... I don't care about it anymore. I don't care if theres anything problem with my family... The things that I will only care about is my family on the net, school and certain friends at school. That is it. That way, maybe I can atleast live a peaceful life...

Thankyou to Star-chan for caring for me! ;)

I wrote my Jonghyun oneshot and I will be posting it soon? The oneshot isn't finished yet but I'm near the end! Thanks for Star-chan unnie for the poster and background she made me! Even though she is on hiatus, she actually made it for me which I'm totally grateful for!

My Dad and before my Mum but she went over to grandma's is watching a dvd about people bringing money and things to Vietnam for disabled people. Vietnam has alot of disabled people, thats for sure. I mean alot! Wherever you go, theres atleast someone asking you to buy the lottery for even begging for some money. Last time I went, which was in 2005, There was this man that even followed us to the hotel to get us to buy some lottery tickets thing. But... sadly, we didnt.

I'm trying to finish The X Family, but I can't because... the episode I'm watching is broken. How sad. I guess I'll just skip that episode because I have tooo many dramas to watch to actually wait for the drama to get fixed.

Okay now.

I'm free of tutoring homework for now. But still have tons of school work, especially assignments!

Bye ;)

Assignment

2009-11-04T18:19:00.003+10:00

I've got an assignment due, to be precise, its an oral. And guess what? I HATE ORALS!
Grade 8 didn't have many orals... but this year... Grade 9 is like busting with orals. I think I have done enough to actually like orals?

But... It's getting closer to CHRISTMAS! And it'll be the end of the year soon! Just two more orals left and I think I'm done with them? For the year...?

I'm working on my oral which is due tomorrow. It's debating. Oh well... Fighting, Karen! You can do it! I really need some inspirations lately. I'm really feeling sleepy these days.

End of this week, I have like... 4 weeks left til I go to Vietnam?

Should I be saying WOOHOO??

I should be saying that but... I'll rather stay home on the laptop. HAHAHA. Yep, My life is boring, but theres one thing that I really want to do! That is going shoppppppinnngggggg!!!!!!

Anyone want to take me for a ride to the shopping centre/mall? Please? I'll pay for the ride for sure! I just need to spend some money.

Oh, Crap -slaps her forehead- What am I doing? Ain't I suppose to be doing my assignment? KARENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!

But before I go, I have to thank Aini dongsaeng for this;

Thankyou Aini, Realllyyy appreciate it!

Okay now. Dammit! I have to eat... ARGH. Karen is getting sidetrack and is naughty because she isn't doing her assignment!

~ Click to enlarge!

BBYEBYE!

Plain Pissed

2009-11-03T16:26:00.003+10:00

Yepp, The title says it all! I'M PLAIN PISSED! I don't know why but I'm really in a bad mood now. I feel, unsecure? With all the stuff going on, I just am tired, pissed, angry and just... in a bad mood. In the morning, I couldn't even get up. I don't have any inspirations anymore. It's like in starting to run out. It hurts to see my parents talking about my sister and starting to argue. It hurts when my sister and mum doesn't even wannt to face it each other. It hurts when my sister calls my mum a "bitch". What hurts the most is that, my life is totally wrecked because of what is going on... Why? 2 years ago, that was my most common quote.

Why? Why Me??

I still haven't answered that question yet. I guess, "Stacey" my [ex] best friend... is just happy? She may not be the richest girl or anything, but atleast, she has one complete family ; same goes for Lien. She may not get to go to Vietnam, like I do... but I don't even have ONE complete day that it feels like a "family", ONE "family". Sometimes, My heart just feels so unsettled. It doesn't even want to do anything.

In the morning, while eating... I bursted into tears infront of my sister 'again'. She asked me why I was crying. I replied "look at our family, is it even a family?'
She knew exactly what I was talking about. She even tried to cover it up saying "doesn't every family have problems?" She was right, but... My family has problems NON-STOP, if it's not this, it's that. Does every family has a daughter calling her Mum a "bitch?" Does every family have there Dad called a "dog"?

Why can't my family can't EVER have some peace? It is that hard? It's a long time, it those memories of my parents arguing, hitting my sister and even blaming it on me. I can't stand it anymore. Why can't I have a normal thirteen year old life?
If you don't understand what I mean then, I just want to have normal life as a thirteen year old girl... but that will never hapepn by the looks of it.

----------------------------------------------

Okay now, done with my feelings...

I heard from Purple unnie ; DBSK COULD BE DISBANNING?

Holy shittt! No way! Cannot happen!

I'm not a major fan of DBSK, but... DBSK... shouldn't disband. They have done so much for Korean bands...

Do I sound like a seven grader? Or eight grader? Well, I'm a ninth grader ; just to clear everything up.

To purple unnie ;

STAY STRONGG!

BYE BYE MY READERS.

P.S I HAVE LIKE 2 EXAMS AND 2 ASSIGNMENTS ALL DUE TOMORROW.. BETTER GET WORKING !

About Me

2009-11-02T19:23:00.003+10:00

Name; Karen
Screen Name; dramafreak4eva
Age; 13 turning 14 [1995]
Country; Australia
Nationality; Proud Vietnamese and Chinese & born Australian.
Email; Ask MEH.
About ME; Hello there, I can be VERY nice or VERY mean to you. Depends... I'm more of a quiet person... Nahh, I'm a content and hyper girl with a little quietness in ME. I love my idols which are SHINee...[Key]. I love kpop & Tpop. I'm the girl that I guess, everyone can get along with? If I'm really angry at someone, I put it in my heart and doesn't tell anyone UNLESS, that person pissed the f*** me off.
Picture; Shall I post a picture of me?

Long Time No Post

2009-11-02T13:46:00.002+10:00

Suppose to be at "school" but family problems caused to me stay home. Anyhow, I haven't been posting for AGES!

-sighs- Life sucks for me. Childish word right? "Sucks" Well, its the one word that can actually describe my life. Even my laptop is having problems. Nothing is actually going right for me. Well, my unnies, dongsaengs and Mei is... thats all. My family always needs to have a problem, if its not this its that.

ARGH!!! Am chting to Purple unnie and her friend!

;;;

《kaRen》. xMusic ; one & only -- dramafreak4eva says:
i just went on my sisters laptop and downloaded the textures
and it works on her laptop.
-melting- says:
LOLs
《kaRen》. xMusic ; one & only -- dramafreak4eva says:
but it doesnt on mine
ME WANT A NEW LAPTOP!
-melting- says:
rofls
ask for one on xmas
《kaRen》. xMusic ; one & only -- dramafreak4eva says:
cant my mum said that going to vietnam is like my xmas pressie.
but ididnt even ask for it
darn.
-melting- says:
ouch
parents >___>
《kaRen》. xMusic ; one & only -- dramafreak4eva says:
yep
this is what it looks like on my laptop
http://i381.photobucket.com/albums/oo253/dramafreak4eva/Stuff/sse.jpg
but
it goes like empty on gimp u cant even open it on the normal thing
-melting- says:
weird....
《kaRen》. xMusic ; one & only -- dramafreak4eva says:
yeppp
-melting- says:
don't use gimp
use something else LOLs
my escape plan
《kaRen》. xMusic ; one & only -- dramafreak4eva says:
ROFL
but
my laptop is already slow as it is
i dont want to download more stuff xD
-melting- says:
rofls.
do u have any usb drives?
《kaRen》. xMusic ; one & only -- dramafreak4eva says:
usbs?
yeah
-melting- says:
load all ur music, pics and etc. stuff that u can on a usb then erase them on ur laptop
delete all software that you think u wont be using
then ding ding u'll have all the space u want
that is what i does ROFLS
《kaRen》. xMusic ; one & only -- dramafreak4eva says:
ROFL ROFL ROFL
-melting- says:
i have like 10 16GB usbs that is full XD and my laptop is running fast as wind
《kaRen》. xMusic ; one & only -- dramafreak4eva says:
but that means u will need your usb alot?
-melting- says:
but whenever i try to dig up something i'll get frustrated by trying out all the usb for one single thing
haha yeah but that is me
i dont think u will have that much stuff
i don't think any normal person does LOLs
xcept for me X____X
《kaRen》. xMusic ; one & only -- dramafreak4eva says:
no, i have alot of stuff
lol
-melting- says:
I literally download anything i see online
《kaRen》. xMusic ; one & only -- dramafreak4eva says:
rofl
oh well
-melting- says:
lol
anyway... please relink AAC (:
changing host process has been completed
《kaRen》. xMusic ; one & only -- dramafreak4eva says:
oh, will do.
thats the pain of changing hosts
-melting- says:
ty
rofls not really
since co.nr is just a domain hoast
host***
i still update with blogger
《kaRen》. xMusic ; one & only -- dramafreak4eva says:
LOL
yeah
-melting- says:
but dont u think
artsyasiancrew.co.nr
sound more pro
《kaRen》. xMusic ; one & only -- dramafreak4eva says:

it sure does
sounds better than with .blogspot.com
-melting- says:
haha
《kaRen》. xMusic ; one & only -- dramafreak4eva says:
unnie ; should LS ft jay next?
relinked AAC!
-melting- says:
jay....
LOL idk...
i mean yeah... not really into 2pm
《kaRen》. xMusic ; one & only -- dramafreak4eva says:
same here
but just since
idk.
-melting- says:
LOL I'm getting a break from featuring celebrites for awhile
《kaRen》. xMusic ; one & only -- dramafreak4eva says:
ROFL
-melting- says:
i got kind of tired of it...
i mean u see them @ every sites T___T
《kaRen》. xMusic ; one & only -- dramafreak4eva says:
yeahhhh
angel wants to ft. F
[THE_AnGeL]
-melting- says:
is her real name angel?
《kaRen》. xMusic ; one & only -- dramafreak4eva says:
yepp
-melting- says:
!@$@#$#
《kaRen》. xMusic ; one & only -- dramafreak4eva says:
whyy?
LOL
-melting- says:
mine is too
well half of it
《kaRen》. xMusic ; one & only -- dramafreak4eva says:
yep ; i know.
but sometimes she doesnt act like an 'angel'
unlike u unnie
-melting- says:
hahah me angel?
if my friend hear that she'll bring u to the docs in no time
《kaRen》. xMusic ; one & only -- dramafreak4eva says:
a ha
LOL
well ; whatever shes thinking , shes wrong.
you are one truely special angel.
-melting- says:
actually half the school disagree with me as an angel

-melting- was added to this conversation. Handwriting is no longer supported because not all participants can view handwritten messages. Handwritten messages will be sent as text.

-melting- says:
my lovely dongsaeng called me an angel (:
GEM 18 LIVE says:
o_O
-melting- says:
karen meet melody
melody meet karen
GEM 18 LIVE says:
hey karen?
LOL
-melting- says:
Dongsaeng?
GEM 18 LIVE says:
dongsaeng = sister?
o_O
-melting- says:
no T____T
well kind of LOLs
GEM 18 LIVE says:
lol
《kaRen》. xMusic ; one & only -- dramafreak4eva says:
melody
-melting- says:
& karen dont call her pretty
《kaRen》. xMusic ; one & only -- dramafreak4eva says:
nice to meet you.
-melting- says:
that pic is not her
GEM 18 LIVE says:
meanie
lol
-melting- says:
it's some hk celebrity
GEM 18 LIVE says:
shush
《kaRen》. xMusic ; one & only -- dramafreak4eva says:
i dont see a dp.
GEM 18 LIVE says:
lol
《kaRen》. xMusic ; one & only -- dramafreak4eva says:
???
anyhow, u must the same age as purple unnie right, melody?
-melting- says:
no shes not
I'm still the oldest here
but unfortunate for me I have to see her 5 days a week
《kaRen》. xMusic ; one & only -- dramafreak4eva says:
LOL
GEM 18 LIVE says:
yeah i hav to let her hit five days a wk too
:
《kaRen》. xMusic ; one & only -- dramafreak4eva says:
how old are you melody?
GEM 18 LIVE says:

life is horrible
《kaRen》. xMusic ; one & only -- dramafreak4eva says:
ROFL
GEM 18 LIVE says:
lol
13
-melting- says:
i'm 13 turning 14
dont u even dare!
-cough- ahem
《kaRen》. xMusic ; one & only -- dramafreak4eva says:
LOL
-melting- says:
excuse me
anyway back to the topic
《kaRen》. xMusic ; one & only -- dramafreak4eva says:
haha
yeah ?
GEM 18 LIVE says:
lol
-melting- says:
I was called an angel
u hear that melody!
GEM 18 LIVE says:
karen did u call her angel?
oki
whoopis wrong chat!
《kaRen》. xMusic ; one & only -- dramafreak4eva says:
yepp
well, she is isn't she?
GEM 18 LIVE says:
OMG@
-melting- says:
ha! in ur face! -hugs my dongsaeng-
GEM 18 LIVE says:
ANGEL!1
ruby is talking to me

imkoolcharlene@hotmail.com says:
so happy :0
GEM 18 LIVE says:
ekk
u should come to sf

... Yeahh... Called purple unnie an "Angel"... HEHE! Sry for postin it without your permission.

Wow, the convo made my post LONG! Okay Okay, I feel a lot of things, especially when a fly is bugging me flying around my head.

Bye Byeess!

Fanfictions

2009-10-30T15:53:00.008+10:00

Fanfictions ;

HARD LOVE

Completed
Starring Arron Yan & Guigui

Arron and Guigui were the best couple, everything went so well... until, Hebe went into the picture and wrecked everything you could think off. Unfortunely, Arron's dad really dislikes Guigui and wants them apart. How will Arron and Guigui overcome these obstacles?

AN UNREGRETTABLE CONFESSION
On going
Starring Yan Yalun & Guigui

Guigui is secretly inlove with Yalun but never has the guts to tell him. One of her friends, Hebe, is always trying to flirt with Yalun. Guigui decides to tell Yatou and Yatou tells Guigui to confess to Yalun. How would Yalun react? Would he reject? Will the confession be unregrettable?

The 4 Years I've Waited
Completed
Starring Key [Kim Keybum]

Kibum has been waiting the love of his life to come back to him. She left him without giving him a single notice. How did he feel? As you guessed, heartbroken, sad and drepressed. Will she ever return? If she does, will she accept him back or will she forget the past?

Destined
Ongoing
Starring Kim Jonghyun

Jonghyun met this girl at school that he is really fond off. One problem is that she has a boyfriend which is a playboy and flirts to nearly every girl. How can Jonghyun reach to her and make her to see who her boyfriend really is? What will happen when she does? Will he be able to confess to her that he is inlove with her?

Happy...

2009-10-27T17:11:00.002+10:00

I'm feeling surprisingly happy.

Not totally but happier than usual which is good right?

Yay, Lien, My best friend is coming over my house on Sunday! Can't waitt!

Star-Chan unnie ; 4 more days til Halloween... I thought I had something else to say ... but I forgot xD. JKS! 4 more days til YOUR BIRTHDAYY!

I'm hungry, need to find some food!

Wow, Mr Fallon, My maths teacher was kinda angry at us. He's always angry at us because my class is like really ... bad, rude and crazy-ish.

I really need a hair-cut. Why? Because... My fringe is really annoying me. I have to keep fliping my hair or else I can't see which I really hate to do. Did I tell anyone that I have short hair? Not really short like it used to be but like up to neck. Yeah... My parents, especially, my Mum doesn't let me grow my hair long BUT I'll be able to next year!

I'm getting plied up with assignments and exams coming up. To top it all up... I have one review to do... ROFL ; Its only one review right?

Currently listening to Gara Gara Go by Big Bang ...

Fu** . My other best friend, Stacey... is pissing the guts out of me. Why? Ummm, I guess you could say its stupid but... she kept raving that Big Bang is ugly... I kinda got pissed after hearing that because... they aren't? Ugly is such a strong word, tsk tsk her. She has no taste. HAHAHAH. Like I said, I'm happy than usual and I'm getting hyper.

Who agrees with me?

I think that Korean guys, not just boybands are "HOT" & "CUTE"... WHO AGREES?

I really want to go "OUT". I really need to spend some money and have some fun. I deserve to have some fun right?

Uh Oh, My so-called best friend's dad is here... Have to end my post now.

Bye byes.

The 4 Years I've Waited

2009-10-26T16:05:00.003+10:00

Permanent Link ; http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/keyy

“Where did you go? I miss you…” I said to myself, crying.

I needed her; she was the centre of my life… The reason I live, but she’ll come back for sure. She can’t leave like this forever… She will come back to Korea and return to me… Until then, I’ll wait for her, and only her.

Four years passed by so quickly that I haven’t realised, that I am still here, waiting for her; my love.

“Dear, you shouldn’t be waiting anymore… It’s been 4 years…” My mother advised.

I knew my Mother is preventing me to wait for her. Yes, it’s been 4 years now but I can’t stop now. I’ve gone too far to stop now.

“NO! I must wait… wait until she’s back.” I replied sternly. I was heartbroken but I could not give up hope. My mother sighed as I replied. Nothing could stop me waiting for her.

“Will you come shopping with me, dear?” my mother asked.

“Okay, I might as well take some fresh air.”

Mother and I went to the shopping centre. I guess I was really in need of shopping.
I was browsing through some clothes and then, I saw her. There she was, standing there, talking on her mobile phone.

“Kibum, what are you staring at?” My mother asked while turning her head, only to find that I was staring at her.

“She…she’s…She’s back...”

“Do you want to talk to her?” My mother asked gently. I glanced at my mother, before my gaze returned to look at her.

“I-I might as well..”

I walked over to where she was standing. She didn’t notice I was standing there until a while. She had an astonished expression. She quickly ended the call and slowly started walking towards me.

“Kim-Kim Kibum...! Y-You’re here.” She sad… trying to get her words out. She was so stunned that she was stuttering. I guess four years was long enough for her. Long enough for her to erase the past.

“Why? Why did you leave me like that?” I asked her. My voice was barely audible, and the loudest I could get to wasn’t any higher then my normal speaking voice. It was the first question that popped into my mind. That was the one question I thought to myself every night.

“I’m sorry…So sorry.”

“You left… Without giving me a chance to say goodbye.”

“I’m sorry.”

“SORRY ISN’T ENOUGH!” I shouted as I felt tears stinging my eyes. Passer-by’s stared at us but I didn’t care. She remained silent and adverted her eyes to look at something else. Anything was okay. Anything but me.

“Sorry isn’t going to do or help anything anyway.” I added. I felt so helpless standing there, waiting for her to utter something, even if it was one word other than sorry, but nothing… Nothing came out from her.

“Kibum, we better get home now.” My mother came, putting her hand on my shoulder lightly. I didn’t notice she was there.

“Mother, you can go first. I’ll be home soon. Just let me sort this out first.” I replied calmly.

“If you must…” My mother walked away.

“Let’s go somewhere else, shall we?” She asked softly.

“Yes, exactly what I was thinking.”

We went to a nearby park and both of us were silent. Not a sound was heard, only the wind blowing gently against us.

“WHY AND HOW COULD YOU LEAVE ME LIKE THAT? DID YOU KNOW HOW HEARTBROKEN I WAS?”

“Kibum-ah, I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.”

“Can you just please stop saying sorry??” I was irritated. She never gave me a phone call or letter these last four years. It’s harsh, don’t you think? One year is enough, let alone four.

“I know it was wrong of me to leave like that…I hope you’ll be able to forgive me.” she said slowly and softly. Her words were so soft that I could hardly hear her but I managed, through the blowing wind.

“Before I forgive you or do anything, explain why you left.” She was in silence. I presumed that she didn’t want to go back to the past, but I needed to know why she didn’t contact in these four years I’ve waited.

“I’ll explain.” She said uneasily. She started speaking and explaining why she had left me.

--

I walked home thinking about what she said.

[FLASHBACK]

“Without a doubt, I’m really sorry… I left you…because… I thought you were miserable because of me. I thought you didn’t need me and that I was making you heartbroken so I decided to leave…” Her voice trailed off, leaving her sentence hanging. I felt heartbroken, again.

“How could you say that? I-I never felt miserable or sad with you, just without you these four years I did.” I blurted out with tears forming in my eyes.

“Can I ask for a hug then? I missed you.” She asked gently. I opened my arms hesitantly and wrapped them around her. She had regretted leaving me and letting me wait for her for four years. Those last four years, was just too much to handle. She should be glad, that I continued waiting for her for those past four years.

[END OF FLASHBACK]

He returned home and was at the front gate of his house. It was getting dark. He slowly walked inside.

“Kibum, how was your meeting with…her?” My mother asked as I walked through the door.

“It… it was depressing…”

“What happened?”

“I asked him why she left me…”

“What did she say?”

“…I don’t want to talk about it Mother…”

“Okay, it’s your opinion and your choice”

I went to my room and lay on my bed. Only one thing was running through my mind…as you’ve guessed it… It was her.

--

It was the next day which was Sunday. I had some free time most of the day so I decided to call her. I don’t know why, but I did.

“Hello”?

“Yes?”

“I-Its me.”

“Oh…Yeah?”

“Do you have some free time? I would like to discuss something.”

“I suppose I do. Now?”

“Yes, if possible.”

“Yeah, Can we meet at the park that we went yesterday?”

“Okay. I’ll meet you there now?”

“Yep.”

--

[AT THE PARK]

“Sorry, was I late?” She asked.

“No, Not at all.”

“Oh? That’s good then. So what did you want to discuss?”

“I’m not sure how to say this, but…”

“Yes?” She urged me to continue. I looked her in the eyes.

“Can we restart? Are we able to restart?”

I was in need of an answer. I felt heartbroken but I hoped we could be able to start all over again and this time, have a happy ending. She was speechless, that was what she looked like.

“T-That... I...I guess we could…” She replied slowly stuttering and sounding unsure.

“Really? Are you sure?”

“It’s possible…”

“I missed you... I missed us.”

“I’m sorry that I left you in the first place.”

“As long we are together, the four years I’ve waited are nothing.”

Where I am doesn’t matter, the only thing that matters it that I’m with you; beside you.

---------------------------------------------------------

Thanks for purplexazn95 for the fab. poster!

Kamsamnida unnie ;)

& ... No, Star-Chan unnie, I haven't forgotton you... just yet [JKS!] Thanks the help & editing of my first one shot!

Sleeepy

2009-10-25T17:46:00.002+10:00

Wow, I'm sure feeling sleepy these days!

And tired, not to mention in school, At breaks, I felt like sleeeping!

It's Sunday! NO! It's the end of the weekend! I want another holiday! xD

Time goes by to fast that theres 6 weeks till I go to Vietnam! Should I be happy or sad?
I don't want to leave school a week early but I also do!

Dammit, Theres something wrong my mouse, it doesn't move at times ... Idk.

I was lying and thinking about something concering my family. Shall I tell my readers?
I guess I shall, just to let my feelings ALL spill.
Heres what I was thinking:

"The graduation photo [My sisters grad.] is the only family photo we actually HAVE!"

Yes, I am serious. Theres no other photo than that. Well, there are but no with my Dad included. That makes be heartbroken because we don't have many photos to keep in memory.

I have to thank my sis for the headphones she bought for my ipod since the old ones kinda are crumbling down. Gosh, China stuff sucks at time. This is the third headphone I've got since 2 of them "broke".

I'm trying my best to learn on graphic designing but I'm so slow! I had to kept asking Renee unnie alot! I'm dearly sorry unnie. Please forgive me.

I guess, I'm done with todays post.

Byes to my readers ^^

Tutoringg

2009-10-23T21:28:00.002+10:00

I went to tutoring today as usual on Fridays, from 6.30PM to 8.30PM. It was actually really tiring! Anyhow, today will be a very short post as I want to watch The X Family!

Okay ; I was pissed at the librarian for a reason but I'll post more bout it tomorrow or something.

Will link Aini dongsaeng!

BYE!

Dead ... As A DoorNail

2009-10-22T16:19:00.002+10:00

I'm so tired and sleepy, I dont think I can concentrate on the laptop screen anymore. I need a good sleep. Atleast, my oral presentation is done and over with! I think I did really good, I dont know but I guess I'll find my results soon anyways ;)

I'm listening to this random song ; Fan Yi Chen - Fang Sheng, It sounds catchy and sound at the same times. I love those kinds of songs!

Heres a link to it:

I only a oral left so far ... Well, I think ; depends on Mr Campbell... Actually, I do have a few left on Mandarin! But "as always" I'll ace it!

I really REALLY need to catch up on the fanfics that I subscribed and post a chapter myself!

Feeeling really depressed also, I think it's because of my current life is so sad I cant even believe!

So many dramas and fanfictions I needa finish that its pieing up! I can picture it in my head already! Theres a HUGE stack!

Attack on the pin-up boys

2009-10-21T16:52:00.002+10:00

Just finished Attack On The Pin-up Boys, I thought it was really funny and random!

Ki Bum was the attacker? I was like ... SERIOUS?! I would never thought or had suspicions on HIM!

Atleast, thats one drama finished, well.... MOVIE! I think this is my first ever movie on the net that I've finished!

Yippeee!

Anyhow, Today, My exam was easier then I though but I have TWO assignments to due which both are due tomorrow!!

I have to post on LS for it's fourth month anniv!!

Busy ; But I managed!

2009-10-20T16:59:00.004+10:00

Helloooo to all my readers [If I had anyy]!

I've been busy to post, I've had alot in my mind lately! So many things that run through my mind!

Anyhow, I have to thank Renee unnie for this lovely Thankyou poster! & Keyyy! Almightly Key looks sooo... cute & hot here!

I have two assignments and one exam ... they are all due this weeek!

Dammitt, I hate school ... Ah Ah Ah ... I'm hearing the best song from SHINee "Replay" !

Back on track, the only thing I like about school is that you make new friends and meet your friends...

I'm starting a one-shot. It's my first time EVER starting a one shot and thanks to Renee unnie [AGAIN ; Gosh, unnie, How much do I need to thank you?! ROFL] for the editing of my storyline and forewords. Heres the URL: The Four Years I've Waited

Without Renee unnie, I don't know what I'll do =)

Okay now, I have to download Hen An Jing by Fahrenheit ; Btw, is Momo Love out yet?

I have so many dramas to watch, 6 in total... or 7.... Heres the list:

Brown Sugar Chivalries
Style
The X Family
Love Or Bread
Romantic Princess
~~Attack On The Pin Up Boys~~
Hana Kimi [Taiwan Version]

Gotta post my one shot & study for my exam TOMORROWWWW!

THE "WIND"

2009-10-14T16:44:00.003+10:00

LOL.

Usually, I don't say LOL but at school, I've been saying that, and I should really stop. LOL.

Anyhow, Today is yg_bigD's birthday! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Today, I was ... mostly awake at school ... well ... it was better then yesterday when I really struggled to keep my eyes open!

It's so windy tooo! I can't believe it because the wind blew nearly everyone, well, its a fact that the wind blew my hair alottttt! I really hated the wind at that time because my hair was EVERYWHERE!

I am ... bored, sad... blah blah blah. Karen is saying nonsense again....

SHORT UPDATE AS I NEED TO DO SOMETHINGG (!!!)

So High & Happy

2009-10-12T17:46:00.004+10:00

Yipeee ~

I got chosen to be Seasonal Wishes co-web!

I'm VERY happy and thankful to ... Renee unnie !

Special thankyou to Renee unnie xD

Just a short post today as I neeed to do my 2 assignments and prepare my exam tomorrow (!)

Anyhow, to those who are reading ; wish ME luck!

Thankyouus!

My Family ... On The Net

2009-10-11T13:05:00.002+10:00

Let me tell you guys about my family on the net.

1. They are the BEST!

2. They listen and help me out!

3. They seem to be better then my REAL family! [.......]

4. They are not just my family but my friends and sisters!

5. And we love each other! [Right? =)]

My family on the net is the best thing that EVER happened in my life, better then the day that ... I got my first A ... which I can't remember much off but I think my parents and sister was really HAPPY! My family on the net is one of the things that I survive for! They are my number 1 on the list because they CARE!

FUCK! I can hear my sister wanting to go to a wedding and shes opening her bedroom door to see if my Mum is still here so that she can SNEAK out and go, because my Mum and my sister had a BIG fight. I can hear her when shes trying to open the door slowly and quietly... =="

It's Sunday and I dread Sundays! Why?

1. Sunday's is the end of the weekend.

2. Sunday is the day that usually time goes tooo fast.

3. Sunday is not a Sun-Day ... Its a cloudy-day! Haha. Lame. [It's cloudy and it looks like it's goint to rain soon]

Here's a video :

Credits: Dorkistic Designs & Ver-Sah-Tyle

It's a tribute to Jay from 2PM.

Oh well, Thats all for today, I might post up some pictures of my REAL family and ME. Maybe...

BAI BAI !

Birthday Party

2009-10-10T21:23:00.002+10:00

Today I went to Liens party!

Sadly, there are no pictures that I took that can be posted.

It was really funn and crazy at her house!

Her life is just so nice and I want that so much. It's just so different from mine. Her aunties and uncles gathered together to have a party... and her uncle even gave her the new ipod nano which is 8GB and has a video camera. Sadly, my was the old version and is only 4GB. FUCK! I was seriously really surprised when she opened it because her uncle wrapped layers of newspaper. There was atleast...20 layers until she got to the ipod =(

I don't get much for my birthday, My last birthday was a popcorn machine from my fav. uncle... since he knew I LOVED popcorn. He is deaf but he is one GREAT uncle! Nothing else... Just shopping? Oh yeah, I got a watch from sister then... A guess watch... I looked after it really dearly since I was really happy. Heres a picture of what Lien's NEW ipod nano looked like:

Before, I know I shouldn't have cried infront of my sister but I just couldn't help but burst into tears. I couldn't take it so I quickly walked to the toilets. Why I started crying? My sister was saying... stuff about Mum and I said... "ATLEAST, SHE HAS A FAMILY!" my sister replied "What do you mean?" I said..."Look at our family..." and then I just went in tears.

I just find my life so ..............................................................
blank, boring and sad.

Anyhow, time to end my post...

Byes to whoever is actually reading...

HAPPY BDAE LIEN!

2009-10-09T19:59:00.002+10:00

Happy birthday to my best friend Lien!

=)

Sadly I guess a lollipop isn't enough for her? Her face was kinda disappointed? I could see it ; she'll kill me if she saw this!.

School was ... apparently BORING... AS ALWAYS.

I really am not in the mood to go to any parties ... especially not the one tomorrow xD but I promised Lien to go to her bdae party and atleast I could keep the promise =)

I wagged Maths tutoring today xD. Actually, I just said I have tons of assignments and exams to do and I can't go tutoring tonight, and it actually worked ... but I really do have assignments to do... to be precise 2 assignments and a exam coming up!
Why did our Science teacher had to bring up the date of the exam closer like a week... :( And we were the first class to do the Phyics Exam . ARGH.

My friends are like ... I won't say anything...

TIME TO DO SOMETHING CHEEKY!

xSmile

2009-10-08T20:18:00.002+10:00

xSmile !

Smiling is VERY good for you indeed. Proof?

Heres five reasons:

1. It can help cure cancer or dieases.

2. It's better than crying ofcourse.

3. Its easier to do, unlike crying you have to MAKE some EFFORT.

4. You look pretty...

5. Because you SHOULD!

I just went to Woolies to go to get my best friend Lien a pressie for her birthday TOMORROW! Also, My assignment is due tomorrow, What a day to have an assignment due when it's someones birthday eh?

A lollipop is kinda sad right? I also got a card for her... Anyhow, my days fine... ONly one good thing is that I made a new unniE! Jae unnie :)
I'm so happy that I have so many unnies and I love every single one of them!

-Sighs- Wow... My life is getting so boring and sad its just no fun anymore.

LAPTOP LAPTOP LAPTOP LAPTOP LAPTOP LAPTOP LAPTOP LAPTOP LAPTOP LAPTOP LAPTOP LAPTOP is ALL I do... SERIOUS! Study too of course!

The first thing that comes to my mind in the morning is a question and it's actually really simple: WHY DO I LIVE?

I'll have to list the things that I live for or else I'm going to kill myself.

1. Myself ... Er ...

2. My family

3. My friends

4. My family on the net [unnies, dongsaengs & mei]

5. My laptop... the net stuff... Lonesome Sprint & My fanfiction.

5 things is enough to live right?

I tend to think that sad songs just made me so helpess... especially Mandarin songs... [Taiwanese songs] They just made me cry without even thinking.

Oh yeah, talking about crying... Mum just took me to the bathroom and said something that made me burst into tears. She said that
Y

ou should know... friends are good to have but the best thing to have is your family... I don't want to ever to be like sister... She takes her family for granted. I know you will understand me, you are the best at understanding our family since you were little.

That hit me hard. I knew what she was talking about ... I sincerly oppose to what my sister said

Mum loves me more than her.

Our family will heal right? Theres nothing worse then that right? Our family will be the happy family 2 years ago right?

... Tears are just forming into my eyes when I am typing about this ...

WHAT HAPPENED TO THE FAMILY WITH FOUR PEOPLE?

I'm currently listening to Goodbye My Love by He Jun Ming ; Its a VERY sad and good to listen.

My New Blog

2009-10-01T14:19:00.002+10:00

Hehe. Supp? What do YOU think of this blog?

Like I said, Its my LIFE, my BLOG!

Life is gettting worser or better? Thats a question that I really can't answer myself.

Life is getting good because : ... of ALL MY UNNIES, DONGSAENG & MEI!

Life is getting bad because : ... I'm going to school and time went by just too fast that I couldn't do anything!

I better do my assignment before I get lazy, ahahahas.

I wish that my life just isn't this BAD, but with the help of my family ;] [Unnies, dongsaengs, Mei and Chi 3] I can manage! THANKYOU MY FAMILY! With you guys around, Life is getting better in no time!

Trying my best to download Big Bang's Haru Haru but its taking its take and loading ... =(